My name is Mandy. I weigh 202 pounds, and I'm afraid I'm going to die.

Today is Monday, June 1, 2015. In six days I will celebrate my 35th birthday.

Hi there.

My name is Mandy. I weigh 202 pounds, and I'm afraid I'm going to die.

Aside from bad allergies and mild asthma, I don't have any serious diagnosed conditions..... mainly because I am scared to go to the doctor. However I suspect I'm pushing Type 2, if I'm not already there. I've had some diabetic symptoms on and off for a while, such as tingling in fingers, constantly freezing feet and it's moved up into my ankles, severe headaches when I consume anything really sweet, and general symptoms of poor health (difficulty in breathing when I do anything even moderately exerting, etc and so on).

Fatness

I got up about 3 weeks ago after spending an hour before bed the night before worried about my tingling fingers, got dressed in size 18W clothes that were pushing it into too tight territory, and realized I'm slowly killing myself with food. I think about food All. The. Time. That's not normal. I've got to stop. So I made a change.

I started the Ketogenic lifestyle that very day and I've been following it faithfully in the time since.

Keto, for those who don't know, is a low carbohydrate, moderate protein, and high fat way of eating (WOE). As concisely as possible, I try to keep my daily caloric intakes to approximately 75-80% fat, 15-20% protein, and around 5% carbohydrates. I count net carbs, which is total carbs minus fiber and some sugar alcohols (note: avoid malitol at all costs! It's eeeeeevil.). I began at 215 lb and, to date, I've lost 13 lbs. My goal weight is 135 lbs, but to be honest I will be happy if I can fit into normal-sized clothes and am not annoyed when I look at myself in the mirror. If that's at 140 or 130 lbs, whatever. As long as I am comfortable in my own skin and not constantly terrified that I am going to keel over then I will be happy.

I've done Atkins before and had some success, and have even begun keto before, but it's really always been a matter of willpower for me. It all comes down to comfort. I eat because it gives me a (temporary) high. My best memories growing up are of feasts: Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthday cook-outs, and so on. When my dad died in 1988, I ate to make myself feel better because I associated eating to family happiness. I am lucky that I didn't have a weight problem until I left home for college. From that point on, I've continued to eat for comfort and over the years I've piled on the pounds.

As of right now, I am determined to change that. I don't want to eat for comfort anymore. I don't want to fantasize about food. I do want to set a good example for my family. I do want to survive long enough to see my kids grow up and have kids of their own. If I'm lucky, I hope to be around to see my great-grandchildren as well (and maybe even great-greats).

I decided to start this blog to track my progress, so I have a place to vent when needed, and honestly so I have some accountability. The plan is to blog through my weight loss and road to a healthier life. If you come to the blog and haven't seen a post in more than a few days, please click on the contact thingy on the side and bother me until I post again. In other words, I'm asking for your help.

I have two children and a husband that I adore and I do not want to die and leave them alone.

The above is my current mantra and is this is my journey.